my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
