i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
