four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
