I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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