Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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