my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The air was thick with penises
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize