Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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