C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
