you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
