I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
