.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
