Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
