If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
