First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
