textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize