spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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