My sheets look like a crime scene.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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