I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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