The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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