The maid of honor just puked.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
