i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
