So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
