508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
