well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
