y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
