i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
