this beer tastes like vomit already
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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