Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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