none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
