He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
