I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
