Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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