get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
