I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
