I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
