Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
