If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
