OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
