youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
