im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
