Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Is it because I queefed?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize