So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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