Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
