it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
