Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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