He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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