drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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