Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
