the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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