My balls are so social today.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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