She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
