don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
