Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Pooping to opera.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
