I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
