just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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