It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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