Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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