i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize