it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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