We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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