Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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