Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
