Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
