I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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