their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
