It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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