Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize