my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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