My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
