you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
