Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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