Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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