Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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