Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
