he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I supernannyed him into submission
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
