Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
