You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
