make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
